OCD is making me illiterate? WTH?

I thought I was was getting better, but I was wrong. This all started about a month a go. At that time, while I was reading certain phrases or things that were confusing, I began obsessing over the meaning, althought I already knew it. This eventually lead down to the road of grammar. I began researching on grammar facts that were way too confusing for me. Therefore, I would obsess about grammar for the smallest things. Even as we speak, I'm questioning how I'm typing. Sigh, why can't I go back to time when everything was normal for me. I keep stressing about writing. It's as if I'm in grade 1 again and learning about english.I'm now constantly having thoughts about ending my life, although I would never have the guts to do it. It's funny how I have OCD about... GRAMMAR.