Thursday, August 18, 2011
Would you read this and tell me if you like it so far?
I think that you have written quite an intriguing beginning to your story; your first paragraph is perfect -- the "hook" which you need to capture your reading audience. When you reach the portion that you describe the situation in the world of your creation, you need to slow down a bit and to elaborate more upon the cirstances. Instead of having Rose sleep through much of the journey, have her muse more revealingly upon the reasons for her being called the Academy of Psychic Arts. You could also have her converse with the cab driver during the trip. Anyway, I think that you've conceived of very compelling plot and should continue with it; I'd be eager to read it in its entirety. One final bit of advice: proofread your paragraphs as there are a few minor errors. Good luck!
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